By Sivaranjani, our intern and final year student majoring in International Relations, shares about the significance of being empathetic in our engagements. 

‘Oh, how I wish someone would hear me out, without any judgements or pity…’ - Does this resonate?  If so, you are not alone. There are many times when I will ponder about this and wonder why I have these thoughts.

Then, I was struck with a eureka moment when I was looking through Skillseed’s training programmes. I was looking for someone to empathise with me, not sympathise. 

So what is the difference?
Empathising means intentionally listening to understand our audience’s feelings and perceptions, without judgement. We aim to look beyond the surface to gain deeper insights. On the other hand, sympathy is attempting to understand their experiences from our own perspective. This may at times cause us to give unsolicited advice, and (un)consciously pass judgements without first seeking to understand from their perspective.

Essentially, empathy is putting ourselves in someone else's situation to gain understanding, even without having experienced their situation ourselves.  In contrast, practising sympathy is simply feeling pity or sorrow for their situation. 

Former US President Barack Obama once said, "The biggest deficit that we have in our society and the world right now is an empathy deficit. We are in great need of people being able to stand in somebody else’s shoes and see the world through their eyes."

Let’s take a pause to consider moments where we could have been more empathetic towards others in our engagements. For example, here are some ways we can practise empathy: 

1. Intentional Listening

Many of us would have been in situations where people (E.g. our loved ones, community partners, stakeholders) approach us to pour out their joys and woes. We may have thought that we were listening to them but usually, we pay attention to their words, just so that we can be prepared to reply to them accordingly. 

More importantly, practising intentional listening means paying close attention to not only their words but also observing non-verbal cues such as their body language, unsaid emotions and tone of voice. By doing so, not only are we providing them with a space to share their emotions and thoughts but also allowing them to feel heard.

2. Clarify our understanding

After intentionally listening to our audience, we may be overloaded with emotions on their behalf, especially if they are experiencing strong negative emotions such as sadness or anger. This might hinder us from being rational and analysing the situation through a myopic lens. 

So how can we go about it before making any judgement?
It’s by paraphrasing what they have said in our own words and understanding. This allows us to clarify any potential misunderstandings and reflect back on what we have heard through intentional listening and our observations of their non-verbal cues.  

3. Don’t jump to conclusions - Understanding the needs of others

By listening and clarifying to gain a deeper understanding of their situation, we will have a better idea how we can better support them. Sometimes a good listening ear is all they need :). 

It is also important for us to be empathetic at our workplaces and engagements with various stakeholders. 

Based on Betterup’s research, employers are more likely to retain their employees, if they are empathetic. 90% of Gen Z employees would rather be part of an organisation with a culture of solid empathy over higher monetary compensation. We also need to be mindful that practising empathy requires time and effort to intentionally listen, clarify and understand the circumstances and feelings of others. Otherwise, it will lead to misplaced empathy.

Misplaced Empathy refers to incidents where our “assistance” does not lead to the desired outcomes, but instead it adds more burden to the affected parties. Misplaced empathy not only leads to exhaustion but also prevents us from assisting the very people who need our help. Our empathetic tendencies may also be taken for granted to be manipulated by others for their benefit. 

Thus, it is imperative to check-in with ourselves on our emotional state.  For instance, at Skillseed, every first day of the week, we do a simple check-in by having every team member share about our emotional/mental state of the day. For example, we could share how we feel like emotionally, based on a food or drink item.  This would allow us to get in touch with how we are doing and ask ourselves if we have the sufficient mental and emotional capacity to provide assistance to the team while balancing our own emotional needs. If we are not in a good space, we can be authentic and express our inability to offer assistance, or instead be open to reaching out to fellow team members for help.

The importance of a strong empathetic culture is even more pertinent during uncertain times such as our recent pandemic. The onset of Covid-19 since two years ago has left an irreversible mark on us, including the impact on our mental and physical well-being. In these unprecedented times, we are reminded of the importance of being part of organisations which promote and practise empathy and compassion in our engagements. This would likely contribute to a higher rate of employee engagement and innovation, which ultimately results in higher employee retention rates, ownership and job satisfaction.

In our current post-pandemic context, as businesses ease their Covid-19 restrictions, there is a need to take into account the changes and new norms of the working environment. This again highlights the need to be empathetic to understand the plight of others around us, as they adapt to these changes. The need for organisations to build an empathetic culture, will remain constant, if not become more important for our generation and many generations to come.


’Development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek’ - Dalai Lama 


Feel intrigued yet unsure of how you can practise empathy? At Skillseed, we have modules to address the importance of improving one's sensitivities, competencies, and contextual awareness through our Human-centered Leadership and Community Engagement (HLCE) training programmes.

If you would like to embark on a learning journey of empowerment, empathy and endless possibilities, Skillseed, in partnership with AMKFSC Community Services, have co-created ‘Resilience Trails’, which is a neighbourhood trail led by our friends with disabilities, single mothers and other individuals from under-resourced communities.

If you are interested in our Resilience Trails or HLCE training programmes, please reach out to us at at info@skillseed.sg to equip your team / organisation in empathy skills!

Icons taken from Flaticon: Freepik

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